latest school essay..will you read and crit?

[*Elle*]

So guys I wrote a paper on Odysseus on whether he was a hero or not. This paper I didnt think was bad. Though I got a 45 out of 60. I think I at least deserved more than this. What do you think?

What defines a hero? A hero is someone who is loyal to their family and friends. They have a good heart and morals. They also care about others and put others before themselves. In defining a hero, you might want to look at those qualities. Readers often look at these qualities. There are split opinions of readers about Odysseus being a hero. Odysseus should not be considered a hero because of his lack of a good heart, disloyalty and his self-centeredness.

Odysseus’ lack of a good heart is one reason he should not be considered a hero. First, he kills people. He killed all of the suitors even though most didn’t come a crime that severe. They didn’t commit a heavy enough crime to be suffered by death. Odysseus also killed all the maids. These maids were raped by the suitors but yet they were killed. Why should they have been killed? They had suffered enough pain by being rape...am I not correct? Another thing about Odysseus is the fact that he didn’t care about his crew. Elpenor fell off the room at Circe’s house and he didn’t even bother to bury him. The only reason he got buried was because Odysseus and his crew had to go to the Underworld and they saw him. Elpenor told Odysseus to go back to Circe’s island and give him a proper burial. When they were at Cyclop’s house, his crew members were being eaten and killed. Odysseus didn’t even try and defend his crew. He could have tried to spare his crews’ life. Odysseus does not have a good heart and should not be considered a hero.

Next, Odysseus is very disloyal which is one of the major qualities of a hero. He had multiple affairs with multiple women. He stayed on Calypso’s island and had multiple affairs even though he was still married to Penelope. During the year’s time that he was on Circe’s island, he had multiple affairs with her too. Why would he go and be disloyal to Penelope? She was never disloyal to him even with the suitors around her and even with the possibility of her finding out that Odysseus was dead. A hero could never be called disloyal so this is yet another reason why he cannot be considered a hero.

Finally, Odysseus should not be considered a hero because he was a very self-centered individual. First off, he didn’t listen to any of the advice he was given. Circe told Odysseus that he should not try to fight Scylla even when she takes six of his men. Odysseus did not listen to her. He tried to fight her and he lost a totally of nine men because he fought her. He also got advice from a crew member, Eurylochus. He told Odysseus not to send men to see what was on Circe’s island. He sent them away to her island and got turned into pigs. Odysseus also risks the lives of his crew members and because of that some got killed for no reason. If Odysseus wouldn’t have fought with Scylla then he would not have lost three more men. He had those men killed and he knew it would have happened. He was warned not to fight her but he did anyhow. Odysseus should not be considered a hero because heros puts others before themselves.

Odysseus is a war hero but he is not a hero on this account. He is played out to be a hero when really he is very mind-set. Meaning, he is thinking only about his life and his future life with his wife, Penelope. In conclusion, Odysseus should not be considered a hero because he lacks a good heart, he was disloyal and he is a self-centered individual.
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R.I.P. Mikey, Brandy and Chris
Dream as if you have forever. Live as if you only have today.--James Dean
A life without cause is a life without effect--Barbella
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosent, then it was never meant to be.

[Olsenpotter]

I think it would help to know what this was for. High school? College? 101? You have the basics down, thesis, topic sentences, the like; however, your writing does lack a certain passion, so to speak. It reads like you wanted to get this paper written, put it off until the night before, and then handed it in without revising it.
I'm meaning that in anyway rude, I did that many a time in my college and high school career. There's just something about the revision process that makes the writing come alive.
It means more like a summary of the story, with a little side commentary on the main character than an actual analysis. Again it would be helpful to know what class this is for; but because you have no quotes, no sign of outside research, I'm betting it's for high school.
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I'll leave you a note in the freezer.

[*Elle*]

Yes it was. Thing was I didn't understand the book
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R.I.P. Mikey, Brandy and Chris
Dream as if you have forever. Live as if you only have today.--James Dean
A life without cause is a life without effect--Barbella
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosent, then it was never meant to be.

[Richard Howardson]

I do agree with you.

For me, I never knew no one whom I can considered as a lifetime hero. They might be a hero at some moments but not always.
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We think we have learned how to care for someone if we know what makes them smile....but if we really care for someone, we should know what makes them cry!
©2008 Richard Howardson

[Olsenpotter]

I agree that there are arguably very few lifetime heroes (subject for another post) that's not what this essay was about (from my understanding). The question was if Odysseus was a hero in the story. Elle started out good with defining what she thinks a hero is but her follow-up is a little on the wanting side. She doesn't define what having a good heart means. Does that mean he should of let those suitors just rape his maids and invade his home, with nothing more than a slap on the wrists? Odysseus was a man of action, the only suitable thing for him to do was kill those men.
I also think that our idea of a hero has been so twisted by super-hero movies and childhood fantasies that the question must be answered in the negative. We are no longer the Greeks who worshiped strength and courage over tenderness and mercy. Just look at all of their gods...not a Peter Parker, or Edward, to be found.
To really answer the question honestly, we must strip ourselves of the sentimental ideals that we have for our heroes. If having a good heart, being loyal, and having morals are our tests for determining whether someone is a hero or not, then I believe the majority of mankind to be heroes. Every mother and father who loves their children fit that bill.
When compared to a modern day single mother who works 3 jobs just to feed her children, Odysseus does lose some of his luster. But that single mother isn't dealing with angry gods or ancient terrors. The tests for heroism must than be different for these two types of heroes.
_________________
I'll leave you a note in the freezer.

[*Elle*]

I got most of my ideas for this paper off the internet cause I didnt know what to write.
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R.I.P. Mikey, Brandy and Chris
Dream as if you have forever. Live as if you only have today.--James Dean
A life without cause is a life without effect--Barbella
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosent, then it was never meant to be.

[Olsenpotter]

Might I suggest that is never, ever a good idea. Not only could you be failed from school (as you didn't credit the source in your paper it would be considered plagiarism) but it won't help you as a writer at all. If you constantly are looking to others for ideas about what to think pretty soon you won't be able to think for yourself at all.

It's true. I know a wonderfully original elephant that kept asking his neighbor what to think and now all it does is dig around trash cans and asks people to spare some peanut butter.
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I'll leave you a note in the freezer.

[*Elle*]

I didnt plagerise (spelling lol) though. I didnt know what to write cause I didnt understand what to do. I didnt think he was a hero but needed reasons to back up what I thought. I just took their ideas..thought about it and put it in my own thoughts and words.
_________________
R.I.P. Mikey, Brandy and Chris
Dream as if you have forever. Live as if you only have today.--James Dean
A life without cause is a life without effect--Barbella
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosent, then it was never meant to be.

[Delaney]

I think I get why you had issues, Elle.

First of all, the very topic is subjective. Was he a hero? I don't know, how do you define one?

You defined a hero a certain way, but the real answer of what constitutes a hero is totally up to the individual's interpretation.

Odysseus was a bastard. But was he a hero? Can he be both?

Your answer is no, and I think you made your point pretty clearly. But overall your teacher may have graded you the way he/she did because your tone comes across as a little unsure of what you were supposed to say. Perhaps he/she wanted more of YOU in the paper as opposed to scrambling to back up what you already knew.

What am I trying to say here?

Um... flow. Yeah, I think that's it. The paper lacks a little flow.

But I'm not trying to criticize it, Elle. It was thoughtful and its clear to me that you made your opinion known and stuck to it. So I say good job
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"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

[Olsenpotter]

Plagiarism is so much more than just copy and paste. Even doing what you did, putting their ideas into your own words, is a form of plagiarism; without citing that you got the idea from somewhere other your own brain you are treading on very shaky ground. (Google Copyright and Intellectual Property to learn more).

I agree with Delaney. This paper lacks flow, but I also think that you need to define your definition of a hero a little more clearly. As I said in my other post, the definition you have here could apply to almost everyone on the planet. Your thesis is a little vague and I think that's where most of your problems come from.

I DO think you did a good job, but you asked what we thought you could do better. I gave you those thoughts.
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I'll leave you a note in the freezer.